Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
