tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
