She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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