Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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