If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
