Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
