so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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