Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
