the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
