Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
