my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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