I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
