spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
