I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
