its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
