Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
