Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
