You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
