you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
