it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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