It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
