my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
