can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
