He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
