The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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