Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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