I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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