My nipple is on Facebook.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
