shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
