she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
