So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
