dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
