Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
