why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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