I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
