Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love you.
Bad choice
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
