I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
