I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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