Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
