i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
