I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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