I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
