Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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