I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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