i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
