Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
