John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
