I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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