Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
