it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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