Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
