the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
