Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
