Swine flu. Run for my life!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
