Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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