My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
